


Make Yourself Impossible for Me to Leave

by saisei



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Armiger (Final Fantasy XV), Forgiveness, Gen, Kid Fic, Magical Accidents, Pre-Canon, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 00:36:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19896988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saisei/pseuds/saisei
Summary: "Dude," Prompto says, as soon as they're away from the haven and in hot pursuit of some onions. "Is it just me or is it weird that Ignis has a nightlight?"Noct winces. He'd hoped he could get away with not explaining things to Prompto. "Don't tease him about it." The light's just a small crystal that glows with a nudge of magic, and Ignis keeps it hidden in his fist so the light doesn't bother anyone. Innocuous, for the most part. "You know how I put fish in the Armiger when I catch them? And when Ignis takes them out they go from suspended animation to instantly dead?"Prompto hunches his shoulders. "It still creeps me out. I mean – there's a reason Cor and everyone were all,Armiger safety! Weapons and gear only!""I'm that reason," Noct says. "I put Ignis in the Armiger when I was a kid.""Shit." Prompto stops walking to stare at Noct, like he's hoping it's a joke.It isn't.





	Make Yourself Impossible for Me to Leave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crabapplered](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crabapplered/gifts).



"No," Noct yells. He _yanks_ at Ignis' arm hard in his anger, wanting to keep him to himself all the time, and then – Ignis is gone.

His room is very, very quiet, and his throat hurts. Ignis will be angry with him, and that thought makes his chin wobble as his mood swings to sadness all of a sudden. He misses Ignis already, but if he reaches out just a bit with his magic, the way Dad showed him, he can feel him. Safe, and not going off to leave Noct for any stupid piano lessons.

Noct swallows. He needs something to drink, and normally Ignis would go fetch it for him if he asked politely, in his indoors voice and with big eyes. But if he lets Ignis out, Ignis will probably tell on him for using the Armiger without permission, and then he'll go away, back to his house.

He's not even good at making music. He played for Noct once, and it'd been funny, to see Ignis making so many mistakes and getting upset over them. Normally, Noct's the one who does things wrong, and Ignis has to correct him.

Noct's room feels too empty in a bad way, so he makes his way down the hall to the stairs, and then goes down to where the kitchen is. He's not supposed to bother people while they're cooking, but a glass of water isn't a bother.

He takes it across the hall to drink, sitting in his chair at the big dining table and swinging his feet. He's not sure what to do next; he knows he can't bring Ignis out until it's too late for his lesson, but he's bored. And he kept Ignis because he didn't _want_ to be bored. He kicks at the table leg. There aren't any dishes laid out, which means he isn't going to have dinner with Dad again. He'll have to eat in the nursery with Lina, so he can't take Ignis out before then, either. Lina lets him not eat vegetables if he doesn't tell anyone that she watches a stupid drama show on TV while they eat. Noct thinks the story is dumb, just a lot of people talking about boring stuff. 

He finishes his water and puts the glass on the table. 

He's gearing up to trudge back to his room when Uncle Clarus throws the door open, his eyes going straight to Noct. He'd looked scared, but his expression softens immediately, and he says, "Good evening, Your Highness," before raising the radio in his hand and saying, "Eyes on one in six-two-four, over."

"Roger," someone replies, and Noct slipped off his chair, half-excited that something interesting is happening. "Confirming eyes on one. Eyes on two?"

"Negative," Uncle Clarus says.

"Can I talk?" Noct asks. Big eyes. "Please?"

"Not now." He gets a pat on the head, and squirms away, irritated.

When Uncle Clarus stops talking and hooks the radio back onto his belt, he looks down at Noct. "You'll need to go wait in the King's chambers, Your Highness."

Noct makes a face. Dad's books are boring, and he doesn't even have a TV. "What's wrong?" Uncle Clarus looks at him for a long moment, and the phrase _bad news_ pops into Noct's head. "Someone's hurt?"

Uncle Clarus crouches down so he's at Noct's height. "Your friend Ignis went missing sometime after he left your quarters. We _hope_ he's being a normal kid and just ran off to go play video games, but... this isn't like him."

Noct hates crying, but his eyes well with tears anyway. If other people are looking for Ignis, he'll have to wait an even longer time to take him out to play. Maybe even past his bedtime, and then Ignis would be angry. He just wanted more _time_ , and now he won't have _any_.

"It'll be fine," Uncle Clarus says, swiping at Noct's face with a handkerchief. "Come on." He stands and offers Noct his hand.

Noct feels like a letter that's been delivered when he's let into Dad's front room. There are guards at the door, and Uncle Cor is waiting there, sitting at Dad's desk and looking at stuff on a computer. Noct leaves his shoes by the door and flops down on the sofa, face down, feet waving idly. 

From what Cor and Clarus say, he guesses that the situation is very bad and very scary. He knows there are cameras in the Citadel – not in private rooms, but in the halls and elevators and things. If Ignis never appeared on any of them, that means that probably someone took him. Someone very clever, who knows where all the cameras are. Cor suggests an _inside job_ and Clarus nods, with a frown that makes all the lines on his face stand out.

Uncle Clarus leaves, but Uncle Cor stays behind. Noct suspects he's the official prince-minder. Lina doesn't come, and Noct worries she's in trouble, now. Off somewhere being asked questions about where Ignis is.

Fifteen minutes later by the clock on the mantel, the door guards let in another boy. Noct doesn't _like_ Gladio – in self defense, because he knows Gladio thinks he's a dumb kid – but he's so bored and he's trying not to think about Ignis. He keeps poking him with magic, so he knows he's still there, but it's not fun. Not in a playing make-believe or reading books way.

Noct wouldn't even mind having to listen to Ignis make noise at the piano. But instead he has Gladio, who glares at him like he did something wrong, and then takes out a deck of playing cards and teaches Noct a game that he loses badly at four times in a row.

Gladio doesn't even gloat, just huffs and reshuffles the cards, which is even worse. Noct feels _babied_.

He loses the game two more times, and then supper is brought in and set up on folding tables. Cor eats with them, and after they're done another group of Crownsguard bring in folding cots and set them up, one for Noct and one for Gladio. Cor says they'll be spending the night here.

Their pajamas and toothbrushes are brought in next, and Gladio pushes Noct out of the way so he can use the sink. It's so unexpected that Noct falls over and stares up at Gladio with tears in his eyes, demanding to know why he has to be _mean_.

Gladio scrubs at his teeth so hard Noct worries they're going to pop out, and then spits and says, "The king's trying to make an agreement with Galahd, and this is like someone trying to start a war, my dad told me." He swishes water around in his mouth, spits again. "If the king dies in the war, you're the next king, and I have to keep you safe. But you're just a brat."

"And you're dumb," Noct says. His hands make tight fists against the tiled floor, but he can't hit Gladio. Ignis would be disappointed. So he stands up and goes out, shoving the door shut to give Gladio all the privacy he seems to want, and goes over to Cor.

"I want my papa," he says, like a sulky baby, his eyes still wet and his feet bare. Cor looks unexpectedly nervous, as if he doesn't know what he's expected to do. Noct stamps his foot, like the people do on Lina's TV drama when they're angry. "I _hate_ Gladio."

Cor picks up his radio, has a short, terse conversation, and then makes a face at Noct like he's frustrated, too. "Come on then," he says. There's an awkward pause, and then he holds out his hand, like Noct might get lost or something.

Which reminds Noct again of Ignis. He pokes him with magic, and wonders belatedly if he should have thrown some of his dinner in the armiger. What if Ignis is hungry?

He keeps thinking about it so much that by the time they reach his Dad's office he's sniffling back tears.

He throws himself at Dad and bawls on his shoulder for a long moment, but he doesn't feel any better.

"I did something bad," he manages to say.

His Dad ruffles his hair. "Gladio's older and should know better."

"No," Noct says – shouts, again. People don't _listen_ to him. "I did it. To Ignis."

"Tell me," Dad says, going still and serious. Noct shivers, and cries some more, but he says what he did. Explains where Ignis is now.

His Dad settles him on his knee, stroking his hair. "Not my Armiger," he says, with a hint of a question, as if Noct's been remiss in leaving this part out of his confession.

"I'm not allowed to use yours unless you say so," he reminds him.

"Because it's dangerous." His Dad is breathing slowly and deliberately, which is how Noct knows what he's saying isn't just his own opinion; it's related to being a King, and the long line of Kings before him. Part of the responsibility of bearing the ring, and being chosen by the crystal. Kings use magic, and the Armiger is magic, and – 

"But he's okay!" Noct insists. "I can feel him. He's just right – _there_."

"I know it's past your bedtime," Dad says. "But I'm going to need you to stay up late tonight, do you think you can do that for me?" Noct nods, even though he's feeling wrung out, and his eyes are so puffy from crying that they're almost falling closed all by themselves. 

He leans back against his Dad's shoulder while he sends off messages on his computer, tapping his fingers impatiently on the desk while waiting for replies. When they come, he stands, lifting Noct into a carry. Noct's a big boy now, he can walk... but instead he wraps his arms around his Dad's neck and lets the rhythm of his quick stride lull him into a half-doze.

They go all the way down to the Crownsguard clinic, which Noct hates. It smells too clean, and all the lights are on. Inside, no one's hurrying, but Noct has the sense that things are happening fast. The doctor shows up looking as if she just jumped out of the bath, with damp hair and a towel around her shoulders, and the nurse on duty is joined by another, his light blue top hanging open and unbuttoned as he quickly sets to work turning on machines and wheeling them into one of the sickrooms.

Noct's set down at a table in the corner and given a snack, a toasted cheese sandwich with too much butter and the crusts cut off, and a glass of chalky juice.

A man with a white goatee and long hairs like bug antennae hanging from his eyebrows is brought in, and suddenly the atmosphere focuses, as if they'd been waiting for him. He introduces himself to Noct as a professor at the university who studies magic, and he meets Noct's eyes as they shake hands, like he doesn't notice his greasy fingers. It makes it that much more obvious that everyone else is avoiding looking at Noct and pretending he's not there.

His dad speaks to the professor, and then they all go into the sickroom, where the doctor is waiting. Noct is told to sit down on the chair set at the side of the room, and his feet swing with nerves and worry.

Dad starts to lead into one of his long talks about magic and responsibility and power and the Lucian line, but the professor cuts him off with a raised hand.

"Later, perhaps, Reggie," he says, with a kindly smile and a nod that makes his eyebrow hairs dance. "Noct knows how to bring Ignis back."

_Do I?_ Noct thinks, but... he can feel Ignis, and he wants him back with a desperate hunger; he wants Ignis here and watching out for him, taking care of him, being his friend.

He _needs_ him, and that forms a pull in his mind. He yanks hard at the Armiger, exploiting his yearning need, and then – 

– Ignis falls out and free.

He doesn't stand there and smile at Noct, the way he does when he visits after school. He drops to the floor like a dirty shirt – like he's _dead_ – and his glasses skitter across the floor. He doesn't move to grab them back, which is wrong, Iggy always wears his glasses.

Noct jumps down and picks them up, careful not to put his fingers all over the lenses and get them dirty. At the same time, the doctor scoops Ignis up and sets him on the bed, pulling over one of the machines. She calls out to the nurses that he's not breathing, and Noct's pushed out the door by his dad.

He knows his dad will use magic and everything will be fixed and fine, Ignis will be as good as always, but he can't help thinking of Ignis on the floor, still and broken. He sees him fall, over and over, and it makes his breathing break into hiccups and then into sobs that rip out of him like a storm, loud and uncontrollable, until he can't keep the sandwich down anymore, throwing up into the garbage pail by the doctor's desk and then crying more because he felt worse now.

A while later, Dad comes out and picks him up again, brushing his hair back from where it had stuck to his face and rubbing his back until the tension in Noct suddenly loosens like a tricky knot, and he sags.

"There now," Dad says. "No need for all that."

"I'm sorry," Noct says, and then gets stuck, the words coming out of him in a loop, neverending, because he'll never be sorry enough.

"Hush," someone says; a woman, a familiar voice, warm but strict. Ignis' aunt.

Noct starts crying again, because he doesn't know how to make her know about Ignis – Ignis on the floor – without her hating him.

She plucks him out of his dad's arms and sets him on her hip, and suddenly his face is being cleaned off with a flowery-smelling handkerchief. It's brisk and no-nonsense and caring, just like Ignis.

His dad is talking to her and to Ignis' uncle beside her, voice urgent and low; not his official king voice, but his private one. He says straightaway that Ignis is alive and breathing, and Ignis' uncle makes a noise halfway between a cough and a bitter laugh.

"Now he is, you mean." Noct twists to look at his dad, and his sorrowful expression admits the truth. "We _trusted_ you, Regis."

"I accept full responsibility," Dad replies immediately. "This should never have happened – I was unaware it was even remotely a possibility, or else I..." He shakes his head. "I will understand completely if you wish to press charges, and of course Ignis' well-being comes before any obligations."

"In the morning," Ignis' aunt says. "I can't think of more than wanting to see him now."

Noct's dad sighs, looking too old and sad, and leads them into the sickroom.

The room smells hot, like fire, and Noct can taste magic in the air, crisp and clean. Ignis is on the bed, wearing a hospital gown patterned with green and yellow chocobos. He's sleeping, and there are tubes going into his arm that are hooked up to bags. Lines run between a machine and a band around his chest. He looks small and defenseless, and Noct twists, suddenly needing to get down far more than he needs comfort.

Ignis' aunt lets him go but catches hold of his hand, telling him he mustn't get in the way or make trouble. Her words are sharper than Noct's used to hearing, and he jerks to a stop mid-yank, his heart turning to stone and falling.

_Hasn't he done enough?_

No one says it, but they're all thinking the words; he can read it in their eyes. That he's spoiled and willful and dangerous. Defeated, he hands Ignis' glasses to her for safekeeping, and stares at the bed with longing.

Ignis' uncle wants to know when he can be taken home, and the doctor says not yet. She offers to have cots brought in, so they can be there with Ignis, in case he wakes up.

The words slide down Noct's back like ice – what if he _didn't_ wake up? Not ever? – and he's too numb to protest as Dad guides him out and away, up to his rooms. Noct refuses to sleep next to Gladio on a cot, hoping to curl up with his dad, but he ends up in the big bed all alone while Dad talks to people more. About what happened, and what's going to happen. About Ignis.

Noct hates knowing Ignis is out of his sight. He wants to be there when Ignis wakes up, too, but that's not his place, not when he does bad things. He deserves how much it hurts, he decides, and falls asleep curled into a tight ball around that pain.

In the morning, Lina comes to help him get dressed and have breakfast. Gladio has to go to school, so Noct's stuck doing workbook problems alone until finally his dad sends for him.

"Is Ignis awake? Can I go see him?" Noct blurts out as soon as he enters the room, forgetting to say _good morning_ or _how are you?_

The professor with the terrifying eyebrows is there as well, and Noct's told he needs to answer some questions before he'll be allowed to visit the clinic.

He has to demonstrate his Armiger, and say what he's got in it, and gets tested for other kinds of magic as well. The professor is interested in how Noct feels: whether he reaches for magic when he's sad or angry. Whether he's impulsive when he fights. If he's often worried or lonely.

Noct keeps looking at his dad because he doesn't know what answers he's supposed to give; what the right words are that will prove he didn't do it on purpose, and he's sorry, and he'll never do it again, because as much as he wants Ignis to be his and his alone, he never wants to hurt Ignis again.

He kind of says that, but he doesn't think they understand him. Noct's eyes are dry and itchy, and he has to keep rubbing them, and his head starts hurting. But finally, after he's answered every question three times over and emptied everything from his Armiger onto the table – books, pens, a bag of potato crisps, a plush chocobo, some die-cast mini cars – he's told he can visit the clinic.

"I can't promise Ignis' family will let you see him," his dad says. "They have to think of his health and wishes first."

Noct decides that he'll argue Ignis is his best friend, but while he's bold in his thoughts, when faced with an obviously unhappy aunt and uncle all his courage dries up.

Still, they let him in to see Ignis, who's sitting up in bed, listlessly playing a handheld game. His aunt sits in the chair on one side, and Noct stands on the other.

He doesn't know if Ignis hates him now, but with his dad's hand between his shoulders for strength he blurts out his apology.

Ignis just stares at him, blinking behind his glasses, and then tilts the game screen in Noct's direction.

"I can't get past this level," he says, like an offering.

Noct is flooded with relief and gratitude. "Can I help?" he asks, but he's already crossing the room to see.

They play the game – badly; Noct's enthusiastic but his timing is off today – while the adults have a quiet, tense discussion outside. Ignis lets Noct sit next to him on the bed. He's warm and solid, and Noct wants to apologize again, but Lina always tells him the important thing is to do better the next time.

There won't be a next time, he promises in his head.

They've finally cleared the level when suddenly Ignis jerks hard, dropping the game as his hands clench into fists that thump hard into the center of his chest. An alarm goes off, piercing, and the doctor races in.

She gets Ignis breathing again quickly, but Noct's brushed aside and out of the way, while Ignis' aunt and uncle swoop in to pet him and speak gently to him and wipe away his tears.

"I want Noct," Ignis says, after he's calmer and has had a drink and has been urged to attempt a very small snack. He sounds young and petulant, not like himself at all. Noct wonders if he's embarrassed by all the attention. His dad never fusses over him like Ignis' family do, because a king must be strong. Noct thinks he'd hate it. "I'm tired. But I don't want to sleep."

Ignis' uncle crosses his arms and stares down at Noct, but Noct's not scared of him. He goes over to the bed, and Ignis pats his place, at his side.

"I'll clear the next two levels for you," Noct offers, "so when you wake up it'll be so difficult."

Ignis smiles and lets his aunt feed him one last spoonful of his pudding. He makes a face, swallows, and settles back on his pillows.

"Can you turn the volume up?" Ignis asks, closing his eyes as his glasses are carefully removed. 

Sure Noct can. He's _great_ at making noise.

The bright repetitive music drives Ignis' aunt up the wall, judging by the way she huffs and turns the pages in her book with pointed silence, but Noct hears the doctor explain to her that it's natural for Ignis to feel unease at any lack of sensory input. He needs the constant reminders that the world is still around him; that he has a presence.

Noct keeps playing while pretending he's not listening, but he thinks about all the nothing in the Armiger – no sound, no light, no touch – and his character dies, and dies, and _dies_.

Ignis sleeps for a long time – over an hour, maybe two – but he wakes with a shout, eyes wide with terror, and that makes him stop breathing again, which makes him more scared. The doctor and Ignis' aunt and uncle do the same things as before, and Ignis scrubs away his tears with a fist.

This time, Noct's collected by a Crownsguard and taken back to his rooms. Before he leaves, he returns Ignis' game. He doesn't seem too disappointed that Noct didn't make as much progress as he promised.

Ignis is in the clinic for three days before the doctor says he's well enough to go home. He can do things by himself, like shower and breathe, and he's bored and fussy. Noct's happy he got better, but after Ignis leaves he doesn't see him for a whole week. It feels like half his world is gone.

But then Ignis comes back. He definitely looks as if he'd been sick. He's thinner and pale, and dark circles shadow his eyes. He has to wear an alarm that'll summon medical help if he can't breathe again. They're instructed not to play too roughly, but Lina lets them take a blanket out into the courtyard, where they can sit halfway hidden from their Crownsguard escort by bushes.

Noct offers to read to Ignis from his Cosmogony, and Ignis says he'd like that. He puts up with Noct lazily skipping over every word he doesn't know for three sentences, but then huffs and scoots over to sit right at Noct's side and makes him sound them all out. Noct adores the familiar friction between them.

After a week of these short supervised visits, Ignis finally snaps and tells Noct to stop apologizing all the time.

"I'm sorry," Noct says, and immediately is sorry for apologizing.

Ignis' mouth twitches, like he's trying to hold in his laughter like he usually does (he has to be a good example and try not to let Noct know when his misbehavior is funny), but then he blurts out, "Why did you do it?" His arms curl around himself and his eyes are large behind his glasses. His breathing is faster, and Noct focuses on that, ready to scream for help if he stops.

He wants to hug Ignis, but it's been made very clear to him that he's not supposed to touch him. Not even by accident. Especially by accident, maybe.

"I didn't want you to go away," Noct says. He told his dad the same thing, and the doctor and the professor. He guesses it's a dumb reason, because they keep asking. They don't understand.

Not even Ignis does; he looks baffled and hurt. "I'll always come back to you," he says, voice small, like he's confused.

Noct swallows. "I need to trust you," he says. That's what everyone tells him, at least. That he can't force people to do what he wants; that would make him a bad person, a terrible king. _You can't cage a person_ , his dad said, eyes dark and tinged with magic, so Noct knows he was being deadly serious and speaking to the king Noct will be, someday. _Enmity alone is born of that. True friendship can only be built on mutual respect._ "Do you hate me?"

He really wants to beg Ignis to tell him what he can do to undo everything, but he's pretty sure it'd be wrong to force him to do that, too. He's never been sorrier for anything in his life.

But Ignis shakes his head; in this, at least, he seems certain. "It was an accident," he says, as if trying to reassure Noct. "You won't do it again."

"Never," Noct vows.

Ignis reaches out and takes Noct's hand. There's a slight shock, like static, but of magic; Ignis' mouth flattens and he tightens his grip instead of pulling away. Noct's restraint wavers and fails, and he launches himself forward, his other arm going around Ignis' back and his face smushing against his chest. He might not be allowed another hug; he needs to make this one count.

Ignis pats his head as if Noct's being ridiculous, and says, "You didn't comb your hair this morning."

"I did!" Noct protests. "Two times." At least, he remembers thinking about doing it at least two times.

Ignis sighs and tries to poke down a cowlick. "I have to study magic with the King now. He says I'm linked to you. Perhaps I could join the Crownsguard when I'm older."

Noct likes that idea. His dad's Crownsguard are his best friends, and they have been since before he was born. But Ignis doesn't sound all that happy. Noct supposes that anything related to what he did feels more like a scar than a gift. A tangible reminder of pain and fear.

In a rush of desperation, wanting to make Ignis happy, he blurts out, "If you study magic, I'll learn the piano. And play music whenever you like." 

Ignis bursts into laughter; Noct had hoped to make him smile, and this is much better, even though he's sure he's said something stupid and childish and Ignis is laughing _at_ him. 

"Let's go look for frogs," he says, pushing his luck on a wave of giddiness. He pulls at Ignis' hand, nearly toppling both of them over. "I'll get you a big one." Ignis gets to his feet first and hauls Noct up.

Noct wants to keep this moment forever. Ideally, he'd be able to use it like an eraser, to make how he hurt Ignis disappear. But he can't, so instead he lets go of Ignis' hand and steps away, another step and he turns his back on him and runs toward the pond, trusting that Ignis will follow if he wants. Or not, if he wants.

Noct just has to be a good person, his dad says, and then he'll be a King the people will follow.

He crouches down by the side of the pond and squints through the tall grass. When he looks up, he sees Ignis on the other side, already in pursuit of a fat red frog.


End file.
